Osama's Letter to George W Bush

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama bin Laden is
still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his
own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her
aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6.
Eventually they asked the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help.
Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply:
'Tell the President he's holding the note upside down.

Weird "Toy" Review : Exorcist Bed

How's your Halloween party? Fantastic? Or dumped?

Don't be mad if your party dumped. You still have another Halloween party next year, and you will have an amazing attraction for your buddies. Hey, the next Halloween party will be held 365 days more, so why should I prepare for it now?

Yes, because this amazing attraction will cost you $3,999. Gee, what attraction cost us for almost four thousands, and is it worth us?

Yes, if you're true horror movie geek. I guess every horror movie addict know how Linda Blair floats over her bed in "Exorcist". Everyone of us won't get possessed by demons, but "maybe" some of you want to know how it feels to floats on the air. So, there goes this product from Carnage, " The Exorcist Bed".

The Exorcist Bed is actually a solid steel 360 degree simulator chassis. Your actors can ride it or you may choose to add the levitator option which safely and comfortably floats an actor to a height of 5 feet up and down over the bed as it thrashes around. Unit includes solid steel chassis and bed frame, walnut stained four poster bed, pneumatic package, and foot pad. You should have some pneumatic and electric systems knowledge to operate this bed. Maybe you can ask for some supervision from your local magician.

How To Cheat At Dart

more animals

Toy Review : Casket Halloween Invitation Box

It's Halloween season, and everybody's busy to prepare their own Halloween party. It's easy to decorate your party hall since Halloween decoration gimmicks are available widely on market. But how about Halloween invitation? Will you send old-style paper invitation card (like what you did when you were kid) to your friend, or just send short-message using cellphone for invitation?

If you have $14, you could have a pack (contains 12 pieces) of this mini casket (including small white skeleton inside) as an invitation to your friends. Made by lightweight cardboard, you can write your invitation at the back side of its cover. After this Halloween season is over, you could use the skeleton as table decoration too. product page

A Night Full Of Fun

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful woman.
They start talking, and after a few cocktails, she invites him back to her place for sex. He responds with an enthusiastic yes, and they are soon on their way.

After they arrive at her place, things heat up fast and she suggests a 69.

He responds with, "You know, I don't get out very much and I'm not totally hip to some of the new lingo."

"Oh, that's okay. Just follow my lead," she says.

Within a few minutes he gets the idea and things are going nicely, until she farts. "What the hell was that?" he asks, alarmed.

"Oh, sorry," she giggles. Not about to stop over such a minor detail, he resumes his activities. Thoroughly enjoying himself, he is completely disgusted when she cracks another one, even worse than the first.

"This is ridiculous. I have to go," he says, looking for his clothes.
"What's the matter? Aren't you having fun?" she exclaims.

He pauses, and then replies, "Well, if you think I am sticking around for another 67 of those, you have another thing coming."

Field of Work

1. MARKETING - You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2. SALES - Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3. TECHNOLOGY - Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4. ENGINEERING - One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

5. ACCOUNTING - The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

6. HUMAN RESOURCES - Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch and then mail a letter.

7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT - Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT - (See above - Same sign, different title)

9. CUSTOMER SERVICE - Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10. CONSULTANT - Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" - As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO - You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

13. GOVERNMENT WORKER - Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job.

Pen** Looks-Like

Is it looks like a pen** to you? Oh please, think it again.

Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN: It Still Does Nothing

SCSI: System Can’t See It

MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

DOS: Defunct Operating System

WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too

PnP: Plug and Pray

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

IBM: I Blame Microsoft

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.

WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

Rolling Out Of Bed

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.

"How are you, grandpa?" he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, they have wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all, I get nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it.
I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the nurse in charge.

"What are you people doing!?" he asks.

"I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old man Viagra on a daily basis.
Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well.
The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

Ex Husband and Ex Wife

I.Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Regards,
Your Ex-Wife


II.Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cutoff all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price
tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to BALI. But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed,
Rich As Hell and Free!
Reply With Quote

Engineering Ingenuity

A software engineer, hardware engineer and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland.

They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guard rails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along the mountainside.
The occupants of the car were unhurt, but they had a problem. They were stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no brakes.

"I know" said the manager. " Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of Continuous Improvement, find a solution to the critical problems and we'll be on our way."

"No," said the hardware engineer. "I've got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we'll be on our way."

"Wait," said the software engineer. "Before we do anything, shouldn't we push the car back to the top of the mountain and see if it happens again?"

Toy Review : Cat PlayHouse Cardboard

Your cat has been chased by your neighbor's dog? Don't let it happened again, it's time to vendetta!

Now suck.uk have new products to fight back enemy dog : cardboard made assault vehicle. Let your cat choose which one is best to kick the dog's butt : plane, tank, or firefighter. Put your cat inside of it, and let him do the rest action! Each one of them cannot fire real bullet, however, but enough to make your neighbor's dog won't spraying at your backyard again.

This animal-stunning cardboard will cost you about $27, each. Quite pricy? Well, yo can take it as a part of your house security system, maybe next time your cat could kick some burglar's ass!

Please Forgive Me...

Again, Difference Between Female And Male

WANTS AND NEEDS
 female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and
         psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled
         in a relationship.
 male:   Food, sex and beer.


THINGY
 female: Any part under a car's hood.
 male:   The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN
 female: A woman who makes love to other women.
 male:   A woman who has sex with other women so men can
         watch and get really turned on.

CLASS CEILING
 female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising
         to the upper levels in business.
 male:   What would really be great at work since that hot
         babe took over the office one flight up.

VULNERABLE
 female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
  male:  Playing ball without a cup.

COMMUNICATION
 female:  The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
 male:    Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for
          a weekend with the guys.

BUTT
 female: The body part that every item of clothing
         manufactured makes "look bigger."
 male:   The organ of mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT
 female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
 male:   Not trying to pick up other women while out with
         one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT
 female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
 male:   Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.

FLATUENCE
 female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
 male:   An endless source of enterainment, self-expression
         and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE
 female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
 male:   What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.

REMOTE CONTROL
 female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
 male:   A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2
         minutes.

TASTE
 female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're
         cooking, to make sure it's good.
  male:  Something you must do to anything you think has
         gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

Farm

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

Game Review : Touch Grind

Many people has obsession to be a pro skateboarder, but only few of them could make it happen. Most of us suffered chronic beer-belly stomach, short legs, or just feared to get injured. Thanks to modern technology, now we can skateboarding with our fingers, not only with your legs.

Touch Grind is a new game for the iPhone and iPod Touch that uses the media player’s multitouch interface to let your fingers do a little skateboarding. We control the game by placing two fingertips onto the skateboard and flicking to do tricks. Sounds weird? Just imagine your two fingers as tiny little legs standing on the surface of the skateboard, and it starts to make a lot more sense. This game is also supported by 3D physics engine, makes it possible to create our own tricks, online level, and skatepark.

Review : Air Hog Zero Gravity Micro R/C Car

Have you ever seen a car climbing wall? I guess all of you answered "no".
But you must answered "yes" on this special R/C car.

Introducing Air Hog Zero Gravity Micro R/C Car, this amazing sure R/C will amazed Isaac Newton. It's not only able to run on flat floor, it also able to run on wall. This hobbit's car contain mini vacuum system powered with a fan to create suction power, makes the car able to run on the wall. It even able to run underside of table, only if the surface is smooth enough.

This R/C is 4,75" long and available in various colors. Powered by rechargeable batteries, but it can only run for 10 minutes in single charge. How's the price? It will cost you about $47 in Amazon.

College Mascot Accident

College sport team mascot is our beloved holy creature in college life. They encourage team to performed best, and entertaining the crowd. Speaking about entertaining, here is some college accident in Youtube. Check this out!

The Spoon

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired,
'Why the spoon?''
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes.
After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.
It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare.
'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'
I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.
So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice.
'Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

Game Trailer : Need For Speed : Undercover

Illegal street racing is not a child toy : yet it's a criminal activity, and you'll get chased by cops.
Playing illegal street racing on console makes you more childish : it's not a criminal activity, but it also makes you chased by cops.

Watch this NFS : Undercover trailer : you can feel the thrilling excitement of racing on public road, getting chased by police, and exotic racing car running wild on your screen. Just expect EA to release better version of NFS ProStreet, I know some of us dissapointed by it because EA erased most exciting factors of NFS brand in NFS ProStreet. This game will be available soon.

Review - Skeleton Serving Set For Halloween

Valentine day refers to - romantic dinner with GF
Thanksgiving days refers to - family gathering dinner
Halloween refers to - asking for candy to your next door grandma

Wait, that's old stuff. We won't do that kind of child play in our (almost) adult age.
Halloween is another time to have great dinner, what we have to do is only add some cruel-looking dinner set to give Halloween experience in our party. You can have this skeleton serving set for next Halloween event for excitement. Made by food safe metal, this skeleton hand forks set will give you demonic meal on your party. Just have your GF dress like witch, and let the eerie night begin!

The Lone Ranger And Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi,
you dumb ass. It tell me someone stolen tent."

All About Man And Woman Again... In Pictures

Hope I can cheer up your weekend

All About Man & Woman

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Munk Rocks!

Catholic church facing some "modern life" breakthrough these days.

Yesterday we've heard controversy about special beauty pageant for nuns, now we will see Cesare Bonizzi, a 62 years old Capuchin monk from Italy starting a new side job : heavy metal rocker!

15 years ago he attended Metallica live concert, and fascinated to heavy metal :

“I was overwhelmed and amazed by the sheer energy of it.”

He already have his own heavy metal band, released their first album, and now preparing for their second album. Well, it seems that nobody questioned his second career, hope that his story will not come its end like beauty pageant for nuns.

Review : Obama Dragon and McCain Gargoyle Statue

A big party held once in four year, US president election, date is getting closer. You can celebrate this historical event by attending campaign, giving vote for you favorite, or just have those collectible funny statue.

Toscano design has produced two unique resin sculptures, one shows "Obama Dragon" with cheerful face and wings on his back, and the other one shows "McCain Gargoyle" sitting, of course with scary-looks foot and wings on his back.

Cool politic satire product, isn't it? You can have those for $39.90 (couple) or $24.95 (single) here.

Urban Olympic

glumbert - The Urban Olympics

The 2008 Beijing Olympic already reached its end. If you're obsessed to participate in Olympic and depressed because your submission has been dumped by your national sport authority, don't be sad. Go to France, and meet this sporty sick athlete. You can participate to Urban Olympic with him, or trained yourself to refresh sport spirit buzz at your local residence.

Review : Evolving Darwin Play Set

Evolution theory has been a hot debate for many decades between scientists and church. Many scientific proof explained that evolution is really happened while church still... Hey, we're all already sick to hear those old crap! Lets our grandpas to debate, while we have fun with Darwinian toy...

Archie McPhee has released their new Evolving Darwin Play Set on their site. The set includes 5 figures, the first is greeny primitive fish, primitive primate, developed (near man) primate, old time dude, and modern Charles Darwin himself. The figures made by vinyl and size ranged from 3/8" to 3-1/4" tall.

So, how we use those evolutionary toy? Just put it on your room, classroom, or your church altar, and ask everyone's opinion about it. Maybe one of them will get interested to go back to greeny primitive fish form.

Review : DC Direct Deluxe 13" Joker

Batman is legendary hero figure in pop culture, but Batman himself without evil enemy is incomplete. One of the famous evil character in Batman history is Joker, which has being played in more psychotic way by Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight(2008). I think almost everyone already familiar with new psychotic Joker, but how about classic style Joker?

The Joker 13" deluxe by DC Direct is one finest action figures for classic style Joker. With the 13" size (little bit bigger than usual action figure), sure it have more detailed sculpting than other action figure. You can find out its detailed sculpting on its smiley face, and specially on its hands. Its clothes also well tailored, amazing to see how they made this good quality small clothes. Paint on its body also well done.

One big problem about this old style Joker is... on its price. DC direct set the price at amazing rate, $90, while most of internet toy retailer set its price on $75-$85! It seems that DC estimated the success of The Dark Knight and hoping that it would rise the price of this deluxe toy. Sorry, most of toy addict thinks that it's over priced. They still waiting until DC Direct knocked down its price. Will DC Direct give discount for this deluxe toy? Let's we asked that question to Joker.

Butt Prank

Another butt prank... Sure it will makes you laugh and throw up...



Naked Butt Prank - Click here for more free videos

The Search For Perfect Woman

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as she made me happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now 40, and am looking for a woman with very big breasts.

Various Painful Sports Bloppers

Painful Sports Bloopers - The best video clips are right here

Auch! It must be hurt...

The Doctors Date

At a medical seminar, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other across the room.

The male doctor saunters over and the flirting continues, eventually he asks her to dinner and she happily accepts.

As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom.

Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands.

She returns from the bathroom and there is no stopping them.

After the love making, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands again.

When she returns the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.

“Why do you think that?” she asks.

“Easy,” says the male doctor, “you’re always running off to wash your hands.”

She retorts, “I bet you’re an anesthetist.”

The male doctor, surprised, asks “Wow, how did you guess?”

“I didn’t feel a thing.”

Actual Call Centre Conversation

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
--------------------------------------------

Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

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RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

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Directory Enquiries

Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.

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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
-------------------------------------------

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.


Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!

Americans Are Smarter Than Other Country's Citizens?

Are Americans Really That Stupid? - video powered by Metacafe

I found this clip from Andrew Ooi's blog (Thanks bro!). Let's see how Americans tried to answer some simple questions... And just imagine how they could pass elementary school...

Disaster Movie (2008) - Will It Be a New Disasterous Movie?

Our lovely duet, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer tried their luck in parody genre again. After the failure of Epic Movie (2007) and Meet the Spartans (2008), it seems that they have lost their throne as duo parody movie writer king. But there's still chance waited for them. After releasing of some blockbuster movies by many studios last summer, the duo resumed them in their new movie, Disaster Movie.

The tag is "Not another shallow Hollywood movie". From the trailer and movie poster, I can see replica of Ironman, Hellboy, Batman, Hulk, Indiana Jones, Hancock, Juno, Kung Fu Panda and other blockbusters movie in it. And the plot is...? Yeah sure, it's about disaster, that's what I can tell for now.

Disaster Movie will be released on 29 August in US and 5 September in UK, let's see if it will be a parody of disaster movies or will be a real disaster movie.

Man Almost Lost His Penis by Getting Intercourse With Steel Park Bench

Living alone for many years, have no girlfriend, have no bucks to bring chicks, and too bored to masturbate with soap. Anything worse than that? Yes, if you getting your penis stuck in a hole in steel bench and had to ask rescue team to save his manhood.

Poor to Xing, a 41 years old Hong Kong guy, as reported in weirdasianews, who was apparently feeling lonely at a city park. Instead of going home for having masturbate, he choose to satisfy himself by having sex with a small hole in steel park bench near him. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole. He panicked and called the police for help.

When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time. Doctors tried to release some pressure by removing some of his blood, but failed, because his penis has swollen so big. Rescue team had to cut the bench and take it to hospital, sure with Xiang still attached on it.

4 hours later, finally doctors separated Xiang's manhood from that stupid bench hole. If he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis, said doctors. Thanks to their professional works, it didn't happened to him. You can see the entire story on this video (Chinese subtitle)

Moral of this story? Park bench is only to be seated, don't use it for other purposes.

New Money Making : Rent Your Nintendo Wii for $110 An Hour For Workout

Are you already get bored with your Nintendo Wii?
Or are you a fitness gym owner who wants to make a breakthrough?
Why don't you put that console in gym and charged the costumers $110 for an hour for private training session?

Is it sounds silly? Not really. In fact, a Manhattan gym is charging their costumers $110 for one hour private training session with Nintendo Wii. Great business breakthrough isn't it? But is it really effective to our training?

"You'd be surprised. It may have little to do with the real sports, but we get people's heart rates up to 140 to 150 beats per minute - although some of that may just be the excitement of the game," said Evans from Gravity Fitness at Le Parker Meridien hotel, Manhattan. Mark Natale, executive director added that their costumers has accustomed to training out with Wii. "We think of this as just another tool at the gym," he said.

So how they manage the Nintendo-style workout at gym? They simply combined Wii sport games (boxing, tennis, dodge ball, etc) with the real thing. They put the Nintendo-style workout in between technical and physical workout, when they used to take a little break. "I use it in what we call 'active recovery time,' during which normally I would have them do a wall sit," Evans said. "But this is like a reward."

Is it sounds useless to you? Just think it again. A study by the American Council on Exercise found that although playing the Wii is no substitute for the real-life sports, it is possible to burn almost as many calories. Even it's easier than the real thing, it still help costumers lose a few pixels in the process.

So, if you're run out of money, just bring your Wii to your gym and rent it to other costumers... Just if you don't get kicked off by gym owner.

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Big Butt... Right to Your Face

Some Medical Funny Stories

Medical Problem

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!"

THE 'OR WHAT' OPTION

A Man comes to a doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her what's wrong and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.

The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'.

Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more."
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what?"

Stupid Cool Guy

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Three Blondes Applying to be Cops

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man ?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."