Minggu, 31 Agustus 2008
Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?
Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi,
you dumb ass. It tell me someone stolen tent."
Jumat, 29 Agustus 2008
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Kamis, 28 Agustus 2008
Yesterday we've heard controversy about special beauty pageant for nuns, now we will see Cesare Bonizzi, a 62 years old Capuchin monk from Italy starting a new side job : heavy metal rocker!
15 years ago he attended Metallica live concert, and fascinated to heavy metal :
Rabu, 27 Agustus 2008
A big party held once in four year, US president election, date is getting closer. You can celebrate this historical event by attending campaign, giving vote for you favorite, or just have those collectible funny statue.
Toscano design has produced two unique resin sculptures, one shows "Obama Dragon" with cheerful face and wings on his back, and the other one shows "McCain Gargoyle" sitting, of course with scary-looks foot and wings on his back.
Cool politic satire product, isn't it? You can have those for $39.90 (couple) or $24.95 (single) here.
Sabtu, 23 Agustus 2008
The 2008 Beijing Olympic already reached its end. If you're obsessed to participate in Olympic and depressed because your submission has been dumped by your national sport authority, don't be sad. Go to France, and meet this sporty sick athlete. You can participate to Urban Olympic with him, or trained yourself to refresh sport spirit buzz at your local residence.
Evolution theory has been a hot debate for many decades between scientists and church. Many scientific proof explained that evolution is really happened while church still... Hey, we're all already sick to hear those old crap! Lets our grandpas to debate, while we have fun with Darwinian toy...
Archie McPhee has released their new Evolving Darwin Play Set on their site. The set includes 5 figures, the first is greeny primitive fish, primitive primate, developed (near man) primate, old time dude, and modern Charles Darwin himself. The figures made by vinyl and size ranged from 3/8" to 3-1/4" tall.
So, how we use those evolutionary toy? Just put it on your room, classroom, or your church altar, and ask everyone's opinion about it. Maybe one of them will get interested to go back to greeny primitive fish form.
Jumat, 22 Agustus 2008
Batman is legendary hero figure in pop culture, but Batman himself without evil enemy is incomplete. One of the famous evil character in Batman history is Joker, which has being played in more psychotic way by Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight(2008). I think almost everyone already familiar with new psychotic Joker, but how about classic style Joker?
The Joker 13" deluxe by DC Direct is one finest action figures for classic style Joker. With the 13" size (little bit bigger than usual action figure), sure it have more detailed sculpting than other action figure. You can find out its detailed sculpting on its smiley face, and specially on its hands. Its clothes also well tailored, amazing to see how they made this good quality small clothes. Paint on its body also well done.
One big problem about this old style Joker is... on its price. DC direct set the price at amazing rate, $90, while most of internet toy retailer set its price on $75-$85! It seems that DC estimated the success of The Dark Knight and hoping that it would rise the price of this deluxe toy. Sorry, most of toy addict thinks that it's over priced. They still waiting until DC Direct knocked down its price. Will DC Direct give discount for this deluxe toy? Let's we asked that question to Joker.
Kamis, 21 Agustus 2008
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as she made me happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now 40, and am looking for a woman with very big breasts.
Selasa, 19 Agustus 2008
At a medical seminar, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other across the room.
The male doctor saunters over and the flirting continues, eventually he asks her to dinner and she happily accepts.
As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom.
Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands.
She returns from the bathroom and there is no stopping them.
After the love making, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands again.
When she returns the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.
“Why do you think that?” she asks.
“Easy,” says the male doctor, “you’re always running off to wash your hands.”
She retorts, “I bet you’re an anesthetist.”
The male doctor, surprised, asks “Wow, how did you guess?”
“I didn’t feel a thing.”
Senin, 18 Agustus 2008
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!
Selasa, 12 Agustus 2008
Are Americans Really That Stupid? - video powered by Metacafe
I found this clip from Andrew Ooi's blog (Thanks bro!). Let's see how Americans tried to answer some simple questions... And just imagine how they could pass elementary school...
Our lovely duet, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer tried their luck in parody genre again. After the failure of Epic Movie (2007) and Meet the Spartans (2008), it seems that they have lost their throne as duo parody movie writer king. But there's still chance waited for them. After releasing of some blockbuster movies by many studios last summer, the duo resumed them in their new movie, Disaster Movie.
The tag is "Not another shallow Hollywood movie". From the trailer and movie poster, I can see replica of Ironman, Hellboy, Batman, Hulk, Indiana Jones, Hancock, Juno, Kung Fu Panda and other blockbusters movie in it. And the plot is...? Yeah sure, it's about disaster, that's what I can tell for now.
Disaster Movie will be released on 29 August in US and 5 September in UK, let's see if it will be a parody of disaster movies or will be a real disaster movie.
Living alone for many years, have no girlfriend, have no bucks to bring chicks, and too bored to masturbate with soap. Anything worse than that? Yes, if you getting your penis stuck in a hole in steel bench and had to ask rescue team to save his manhood.
Poor to Xing, a 41 years old Hong Kong guy, as reported in weirdasianews, who was apparently feeling lonely at a city park. Instead of going home for having masturbate, he choose to satisfy himself by having sex with a small hole in steel park bench near him. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole. He panicked and called the police for help.
When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time. Doctors tried to release some pressure by removing some of his blood, but failed, because his penis has swollen so big. Rescue team had to cut the bench and take it to hospital, sure with Xiang still attached on it.
4 hours later, finally doctors separated Xiang's manhood from that stupid bench hole. If he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis, said doctors. Thanks to their professional works, it didn't happened to him. You can see the entire story on this video (Chinese subtitle)
Moral of this story? Park bench is only to be seated, don't use it for other purposes.
Kamis, 07 Agustus 2008
Are you already get bored with your Nintendo Wii?
Or are you a fitness gym owner who wants to make a breakthrough?
Why don't you put that console in gym and charged the costumers $110 for an hour for private training session?
Is it sounds silly? Not really. In fact, a Manhattan gym is charging their costumers $110 for one hour private training session with Nintendo Wii. Great business breakthrough isn't it? But is it really effective to our training?
"You'd be surprised. It may have little to do with the real sports, but we get people's heart rates up to 140 to 150 beats per minute - although some of that may just be the excitement of the game," said Evans from Gravity Fitness at Le Parker Meridien hotel, Manhattan. Mark Natale, executive director added that their costumers has accustomed to training out with Wii. "We think of this as just another tool at the gym," he said.
So how they manage the Nintendo-style workout at gym? They simply combined Wii sport games (boxing, tennis, dodge ball, etc) with the real thing. They put the Nintendo-style workout in between technical and physical workout, when they used to take a little break. "I use it in what we call 'active recovery time,' during which normally I would have them do a wall sit," Evans said. "But this is like a reward."
Is it sounds useless to you? Just think it again. A study by the American Council on Exercise found that although playing the Wii is no substitute for the real-life sports, it is possible to burn almost as many calories. Even it's easier than the real thing, it still help costumers lose a few pixels in the process.
So, if you're run out of money, just bring your Wii to your gym and rent it to other costumers... Just if you don't get kicked off by gym owner.
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Selasa, 05 Agustus 2008
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!"
A Man comes to a doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her what's wrong and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'.
Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more."
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what?"